It’s Cold Inside

It’s been cold inside my heart for the past week or so. I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety, a lot of doubt, a lot of perfectionism…just a discouraging time. On one hand, I know the Truth of what God says, but on the other hand, I’m having a difficult time believing it.

At two points during the past several days, I’ve been so anxious that I’ve had to actually write out a list of all the things I was anxious about, just to get them “out of my head” so I could try to go to sleep. Thankfully, I feel better after doing this – and I always try to end with reminding myself of the positives and the promises of God. Somehow this keeps me going.

For example, one night I wrote out my list of worries, and then asked myself, “Why am I worrying so much about all of this?” I answered myself:

  • I’m not trusting God.
  • I want to be in control.
  • I want things to go perfectly.
  • I don’t want to fail.
  • I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

But then I countered myself with these truths:

  • I put my trust in You, God. I let go!
  • God is in control – not I.
  • There is no perfect on this earth. God knows that I am only human, and He gives me grace.
  • God allows me to fail. I can learn from it.
  • I am not here to please _________, or anyone else. I am here to please God!

A verse that encouraged me at this time was Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT) – “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Then another night I was worried about something else, and how things weren’t going as I had hoped. But again, I tried to encourage myself with truths:

  • God led me into this.
  • I prayed about it.
  • I asked for wisdom.
  • God opened doors.
  • Maybe He wants me to grow through this.
  • Maybe He wants me to rely on Him!
  • Faithful is He who called me, who also will do it.
  • I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
  • It is God who works in me both to will (to WANT to do) and to do (to accomplish) His good pleasure.
  • God is my Helper, and He will not leave me or forsake me.
  • I AM RIGHT WHERE GOD WANTS ME TO BE!

The hardest part is that I feel like no one understands. People try, but they just don’t struggle with the same things. Truthfully, however, no one can fully understand someone else. The ONLY Person who can COMPLETELY understand me and each and every person is Jesus Christ.

“For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” ~ Hebrews 4:15 (ESV)

PRAISE GOD that He understands! Sometimes it is just this knowledge that gets me through.

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