Today has been a fairly good day, and for that I am extremely grateful.
During the past month or so since I last posted, I’ve been having a very rough time staying positive. My depression has been so dark and suffocating that I’ve wanted to give up on numerous occasions. Also, my OCD has come back with a vengeance. My mind has been bombarded with thoughts that I don’t want, but that I tend to latch onto…and extreme anxiety rears its ugly head.
But I’ve still been fighting.
Fighting to stay out of my bed, which is my normal escape. Fighting to do everyday tasks that I have no energy or motivation for. Fighting to let the distressing thoughts pass without assigning them value.
And what’s more important, God has been fighting for me. I know He’s there, helping me, even thought it’s often difficult to see.
So what is it exactly that enabled me to have a better day today? Well, I think there are a number of factors involved. I saw my psychiatrist recently and he increased the dosage of one of my medications along with adding a new med. I’m hoping that the meds are starting to kick in and help me feel better. Also, I didn’t sleep as much during the day today as I normally do. This kept me from beating myself up for wasting the day. I also got out of the house several times, which helped me feel less lonely and isolated.
Whatever the case may be, I’m grateful to God for a day when I actually smiled and laughed. It’s been a long time coming.
The plan is to faithfully take my meds, to possibly search for a work-from-home job that I can handle, to make a daily schedule for myself that will hopefully keep me out of bed, to find a new therapist with whom I can discuss my struggles, and to look into getting TMS – Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, which is a type of treatment that can help with severe depression.
Continued thoughts and prayers are much appreciated! And please let me know if there is anything you’d like me to pray for. ❤
Photo by: Samantha Lynch